When I see a family with a dozen kids traipsing around in their minivan, going off to form their own baseball team or something, I just get sick these days. We don’t have the world space for this, people. It’s not sustainable. A single American lifestyle isn’t sustainable; in fact, it would take several planets to sustain the world’s population if everyone lived like an American. One is enough; I say two is pushing it. If you want more, why not adopt the ones who are already here?

The ridiculous reason I always get is, “Well, contraception is against my religion.” Bullsh*t. Selling your daughter into slavery, killing your neighbor for working on a holy day, and not planting two crops side by side are also a part of your religion; do you really adhere to all of that crap, too? I seriously doubt it—and if you did, you would, you know, go to jail, so you have a far smaller chance of getting pregnant then anyway. Stop hiding behind your religion, and especially picking and choosing which laws you want to follow from ancient archaic texts translated so many times that they’ve lost every original meaning they may have ever had anyway. (Seriously, can’t anyone who’s ever learned a second language put that one plus one together?)

Here is the thing, though: according to a study conducted by the Guttmacher Institute, religious women use condoms just as frequently as non-religious women do. And believe me, I knew plenty of Catholic teens growing up who had some fun and always did it with a rubber on hand; so why, once they grow up, do Catholic women (and men) suddenly use the religion card for having sixty babies, when just ten years ago they were tearing open condom wrappers behind Sister Mary Brouhaha’s watchful gaze?

Seriously, Catholic women, it’s time to reclaim your lives. You don’t have to be baby machines if you don’t want to be! In fact, the world needs you not to be, if we are to survive it. Have a kid or two if you want them; if you don’t want them, use contraceptives. You will not go to hell for it. What you did back in Catholic school in that uniform, however… Just kidding! No hell for that either. Are you kidding me?

Build a big family if you want to—by adopting or fostering kids who really need the love you can give them. You know what? Build a whole clan from your own womb if you really, really want to for some reason. Sure, there is the environment and the rest of the world to think about, but if it’s really your dream, it’s your body; you can make the decision yourself. But don’t claim you can’t stop having kids or help having a big family because your religion won’t let you use birth control. If that is the only reason you keep having kids, mama dear, it’s the wrong reason. And if papa feels that way and you don’t, there is a big problem, too.